i'm trying to quit smoking, but...

... The Buddha Baker shares these fantastic stories during smoke breaks. I have been trying to quit smoking, but if I give up on smoking then I'm giving up on her stories. I just can't do it. The stories are too good and The Buddha Baker is actually somewhat reserved, so I have to really work to get a good story out of her.

The Buddha Baker has lived with prostitutes in Arizona; She smoked a joint most everyday on her way to middle school, and when she got to school the teachers paddled the students; She has run out of money in about ten states; She has a felony on her record - I'm still trying to figure out what for (I don't want to look it up on the Internet like a creep. I want her to tell me.)

The Buddha Baker smokes Newports 100s. Me, either Camel or Parliament lights. A few times I went to work without cigarettes. When The Buddha Baker asks me if I want to take a smoke break I can't resist. I want to hear about how one of the prostitutes made a dude take out all his money from an ATM and give it to her. In cases like this I bum a Newport 100, which is murder. Those cigs are rough.

I'm almost at the point where I only smoke with The Buddha Baker, which is nice. I always get a twisted tale and a chance to blow off some steam from customers.

The other day we were taking a smoke break and The Buddha Baker told me about her boyfriend from high school. He has all these track records, which I didn't think was particularly interesting. I asked what he was up to these days.

"The last heard he was still in jail," said The Buddha Baker. "He accidentally killed his best friend awhile back."

"Accidentally?"

"Yeah, I guess he thought the safety was still on, but the judge thought otherwise."

"Oh," I said and took a long drag.