near death experience

The other night I was taking out the trash when, all of a sudden, this car squealed into the parking lot with its brights on. The car was really moving. I mean, like, zoom all over the place. I was standing there like a putz with a bag filled with old soup in my hands.

I realized that the car was coming straight for me. Was I going to die in a Tim Hortons' outfit? It seemed likely. The bright lights blinded me. I raised the bag of soup and prepared to fling it at the windshield. The car was still coming toward me. I let the bag fly; I missed big time; it bounced off the pavement - thank goodness I double bagged that bitch.

After the car avoided the old soup bag it pulled off some sort of Love Bug move into the drive-thru line. I grabbed out a cigarette and lit it. I walked over to pick up the bag of soup and thought about quiting.

I took my time going back into the store, but when I did I asked The Sensible Skinhead if got a good look at the last customer.

"Oh, yeah. That was The Zen Buddha and her boyfriend, Fat Moe. They wanted some hot chocolates."

"Assholes," I said under my breath.

"You have a problem with The Zen Buddha?" asked TSS.

"No, I guess not, but I think she is trying to kill me and I have to work with her Wednesday night."